Society puts a lot of emphasis on female sexuality but there are still tons of misconceptions about male sexuality and all of its incredible facets. We have pretty much internalized a macho stereotype that’s far from the truth and that can be detrimental to actual self-expression and pursuing sexual gratification.
Male sexuality is as colourful and diversified as female. Pinpointing one “normal” type of sexuality is simply impossible. Not only that, it’s also harmful. So here are five terrible myths about men’s sexuality that we need to put an end to once and for all.
1. Men Have Higher Libido Than Women
How many cartoons have you seen that show you the only thing on a guy’s mind is sex? We’ve gotten used to a hypersexual image for men and this image is not based in reality.
An interesting 2011 study has debunked the myth that men think about sex more often than women and want more of it.
The general stereotype is that men think about sex every seven seconds (you’ve come across this one, haven’t you?). That would mean that in a 16-hour period, a regular guy would think about sex 8,000 times! In reality, average men are thinking about sex 19 times per day. That’s about the same as the number of times women would think about sex.
There simply aren’t massive sex drive differences that are gender-based. There are both men and women who are highly sexual. Also, some men and women are asexual. It’s an individual thing and not something that’s descriptive of half the Earth’s population.
2. All Men Want to Be the Dominant Party in Bed
Macho culture has also made us believe that all guys are alphas in bed (or at least they want to be). Most people enjoy switching things up.
While there are some people out there who prefer to be strictly dominant or strictly submissive, others enjoy both roles every once in a while. These create a bit of diversity and can make sex exciting after being with one and the same partner for a certain period of time.
And you may be shocked to find out that some guys like being dominated or controlled by their partners. This is why female dominatrix professionals have a job. It’s also the reason why pegging toys exist. And no – pegging and using butt toys do not make you gay!
Human sexuality is so colourful and vast. As long as activities involve two consenting adults, there’s nothing weird about them. Also, heteronormative norms are tremendously outdated and we really need to broaden our horizons about what’s pleasurable and what’s “acceptable” within a sexual relationship.
3. Men Are Always Ready to Go!
Just say the magic word and a man would be ready to start having sex within five seconds! Did you know that 97 percent of all low libido research is carried out among women? This fact shows us a very important bias – society simply does not view men as humans who could be lacking desire for one reason or another.
Men are often depicted as sex machines – just push a button and they’ll be switched on. For many guys, however, sexuality is a lot more complex. It involves getting to get someone before feeling attraction. It also involves the right settings for a pleasurable intimate experience can take place. And could you imagine – guys could be too tired or stressed out to actually desire stress! Yes, that’s probably breaking news for some people but it’s just a normal part of the human condition.
Male sexuality is complex and it has an emotional and a mental component apart from the physiological one. Getting an erection is fairly easy for most healthy men. Wanting to have sex is something completely different and it’s not tied to that automatic bodily response to stimuli.
4. Men Can’t Fake Orgasms
You’d think that just because an actual anatomical function is involved, men wouldn’t be capable of faking an orgasm. You’re very, very wrong. Ejaculation is the obvious telltale sign of orgasm. But some guys can fake the sounds, the movements and the bodily contractions to fake climax and end a session that simply isn’t bringing them over the edge.
A study from 2015 actually reveals that 90 percent of men report they regularly orgasm through sex. That leaves 10 percent of the male population who cannot ejaculate for one reason or another when being intimate with a partner.
Some of these men have gotten used to faking an orgasm instead of communicating what’s going on. It’s also possible for a man to enjoy a sexual experience without ejaculating in the heat of the moment. For many, the closeness and the pleasure that foreplay/other kinds of stimulation bring are enough.
5. Men Aren’t Naturally Monogamous
Men are supposed to be players who seek sex with multiple partners. Naturally, they’re not monogamous and monogamy is imposed on them. Is this really the case? Again, the statement is a gross generalization.
Monogamy is not natural if we’re to consider humankind as an animal species. When it comes to social norms and individual preferences, however, many people like to be in a committed monogamous relationship with one partner. That includes both men and women.
There are also people on the other end of the spectrum. Both men and women exist who enjoy having sex with multiple partners or having casual sex without commitment. The notion that only men “want to sow their wild oats” is sexist beyond belief and offensive to everyone.
Monogamy and polygamy are both ok, as long as people communicate in advance what rocks their boat. Otherwise, the trust will be broken and someone will feel betrayed (whether they are a man or a woman).
So, what’s the final conclusion we can draw? Our understandings of male and female sexuality are quite narrow. What we perceive as normal is incredibly limiting and many people feel misrepresented or even freaks of nature for what they want and what they enjoy.
Don’t be afraid to enjoy your sexuality in any way that you want (as long as you find a partner who’s into the same thing). And stop believing firmly in societal notions. They’re so misguided and outdated that they’ll keep you from living your best life and having a ton of fun.